Another Birthday has come and gone. It's always interesting that I actually never post anything on the actual day (March 13th). Anyway I want to thank everyone that acknowledged it and celebrated it and at least thought about it.
My birthday is a very weird day for me. I sort of go through this push and pull feeling. I want people to celebrate it; but at the same time, I don't want people to celebrate because I feel selfish asking people to party on this random day just because I happened to be born on this day. To put it simply, I want the attention but I also don't want the attention.
I really feel this when people sing "Happy Brithday." I want people to sing it to me; but when they do, I feel really embarrassed. When I was a baby and people would sing "Happy Birthday," I would cry. Even now, when people sing it, I get squeamish.
Then there's the actual celebration. In our society, there is this pressure that on your birthday, you have to go out and party and have this extravagant celebration. However, I'm not the type of person to go up to people and say "Hey, would like to come celebrate my birthday." To me it just doesn't feel right to organize your own party. If your friends want to celebrate, they should organize something and if they don't, you just live with it.
Yesterday, I organized this gathering at Patty's on Bank Street. As a side note, it just so happens that this pub was opened on March 13, 1975; exactly 8 years before I was born. I was hoping people would come. But, I wasn't expecting a lot of people to show up because it's Monday night and school work is getting intense and I thought no one would really have the time to come out for a few hours. I was wrong. People did come out. I can't begin to tell you how happy that makes me.
Then again, maybe I'm being too negative about this sort of thing. My roommate has told me on a number of occasions that I don't relax and I never allow myself to enjoy things because I'm too worried about the consequences of pleasure.
Once again, thank you to all of you for your birthday wishes.
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