Don't forget to tune into another critically acclaiming episode of THE WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND. This week Noel and I will once again bring our own unique look at the world.

Music News. Sports Recap. Entertainment Listings. Bytowne Listings. Plus much, more.

Wednesday 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

Now, for your reading pleasure: The last 30 hours in The Hek's life!

Sunday, 9:00am: The Hek wakes up refreshed and ready to tackle his 15-20 page paper.

Sunday, 10:45am: The Hek begins to write.

Sunday, 1:00pm: three pages

Sunday, 4:00pm: six pages, The Hek decides to eat something.

Sunday, 7:00pm: nine pages

Sunday, 8:00pm: 10 pages, The Hek starts flipping out. Decides to take break. Watches WWE match with German commentators.

Sunday, 10:00pm: Break ends

Monday, 12:00am: 12 pages

Monday, 3:00am: 15 pages, The Hek slowly begins to lose compassion he may have had for his paper

Monday, 3:330am: The Hek begins to curse his existence.

Monday, 3:45am: The Hek snaps out of it.

Monday, 5:00am: The Hek finishes his paper. 18 pages. Not bad. Feels pretty good about himself. Prepares to go to bed. Fire alarm goes off in building. Bad timing.

Monday, 6:00am: The Hek finally gets to bed.

Monday, 8:30am: The Hek wakes up not refreshed.

Monday, 11:30am: Paper receives an edit

Monday, 1:00pm: English paper handed in

Monday, 6:oopm: The Hek makes corrections to the 15-20pager and hands it in.

Goodbye Fall Term

The Hek

Life is all about learining and experiencing. You do something, you learn from it. T'hat's it, that's all, baby goes to sleep.

I'd write more, but I'm hungover and lack my creative juices.

The Hek

Well, the snow has finally shown up. We are coverd in it. Meanwhile my foot has still not healed from my procedure in August. Looks like more meds for me. Fun.........

Wednesday Blend went really well. The first hour and 45 minutes flew by, then from 8:50 - 9:30 it started to feel like a 2.5 hour show. All in good fun.

The Hek

HUGE NEWS!!!!! FOR ONE DAY ONLY, THE WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND WILL BE 2.5 HOURS LONG!

This is going to be awesome, folks. Noel and I are pumped and ready to go. We are going to pull out all the stops. So, to everyone, with a computer or a radio, be sure to tune in. You will not be dissapointed.

Wednesday, 7-9:30 am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

It's time to party!!!!!

TODAY IS THE FIRST-YEAR ANIVERSARY OF THE HEK'S BLOG!!!!!!

Yes folks, it is hard to believe that it has been a year since I first started this thing. In one year, The Hek has gone through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and most of it was expressed right here. Thanks to all those who read this sucker for the last year.

Now for that nostalgic feeling, here's what the first blog looked like, November 28, 2003. Enjoy!

The Hek

Wanna know why The Hek is indeed a Legend Killer? It's the fact that on the day of my 10:35am class, I can wake up at 10:20, get dress and still be on time for the class. BOOYAH!

The Hek

The Hek is going solo tomorrow on the WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND. We’re going to have a really cool segment called “Sounds of a Calgary Grey Cup Breakfast.” Noel and I taped this last Friday at Ottawa City Hall during the Grey Cup festivities. It’s a really great segment so tune in. I’ll also have the usual craziness.

Wednesday, 7-8am EST, CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

There's only one thing left to say:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The Hek

My buddy Stephen has a new ride. He'll be going up and down the streets of Japan, crusin in his car and fellin like a star.

Unless Godzilla eats his car. That would suck. What would suck more is if Steph was in the car. However, Steph has a black belt in Kung-Fu. All he needs to do is kick and punch and the monster will get some hardcore indigestion.

The Hek

My buddy Tim rocks! He took time out of his busy day in ENGLAND to give The Hek a little telephone call. Sorry I was not there, Tim.

Tim goes to Carleton but for this year, he's studying abroad. She's a brunett, HIYAOOOO! Actually, he is part of an exchange program where he spends his thrid year studying in England. The cool thing is that he keeps a blog about all his adventures in merry old England. Check it out, it is good stuff.

Click here to go to Tim's blog


The Hek

Yep!

Nothing like handing in a paper you know is crap and then getting it back with a mark of A-.

The Hek

So there I was, enjoying a nice, peaceful nap; when suddenly, the damn fire alarm goes off. I hate fire alarms with a passion; especially if I know they are going to occur. Anyway, when the building emptied, we were all told that we took too long. Apparently, we are suppose all leave the building in 15 minutes. According to the fire alarm testers we took 25 minutes to evacuate the entire building. So, we have to have another drill…fun. Trust me, if there was a real fire, we all would have been out of the building in 5minutes.

Oh, for anyone that cares: Brent Butt didn’t call the show. There was some sort of mix up. Noel and I hope to have him on the Blend in the near future.

The Hek

Brent Butt will be on the next Wednesday Blend! He's suppose to call in; so everyone, cross your fingers.

Tune in, Wednesday 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

Thanks to everyone who came out to the show last night. The show went well and we had an excellent turnout. When good fortune like this occurs it gives me a sense that everything will always turn out alright. I have a lot on my plate for the upcoming weeks. There's my midterm on Wednesday, a presentation in another class, three papers due in seven days and, a newspaper article that I have been tailing for the last few weeks. It is going to be hectic and I am probably going to be stressed out. But I have a good feeling that everything will come out on the plus side.

The Hek

This darn blog is acting up.

The Hek

Me and the folks at the Carleton Improv Association are going to be putting on a free show of Improvisational comedy. If you are in the Ottawa area, come check us out.

Friday

7pm

Feen Lounge in the Residence Commons building, on the campus of Carleton University.

The Hek

Tomorrow on the Wednesday Morning Special Blend, Noel and I will be interviewing author and filmmaker Gywn Dyer and comedian and actor Brett Butt. It will be a joly good time had by all.

Tune in 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

The CKCU funding drive has come to a successful end. This year the station raised $103, 835.39 and as usual beat its annual goal of $93,100. Not sure what they're going to do with the remaining 39 cents but, they'll think of something.

In the meantime, it looks like the Raptors have got something going this year. Today, they beat Portland and are now 3-0 on the season. The Hek is not going to lie to you, that is sexy.

Also, I spent the entire day cleaning my pad. I shall celebrate this feat with a meal of tacos and alphegettis.

The Hek

Chris Bosh put out an amazing performance tonight against the Pistons. Of course, when I was choosing my fantasy NBA team, I thought "Should I take Bosh?" I decided not too and look what happens. Fortunately, I did take Jalen Rose and he has done well.

Speaking about doing well, the Argos beat the Ti-Cats tonight and they move on the Eastern final against Montreal.

Okay, here is the thought of the day:

You know what sucks? When you try to download what you think is an episode of Jackass and instead turns out to be a compilation of two porn shorts and another short on fire safety.

Have a nice weekend,

The Hek

First off, Wednesday Blend made a total of $145 for this years' CKCU funding drive. That is more then double from what Noel and I made last year. So, to all the people who dialed and donated, thank you!

Now on to the election:

What really bugs me about the results is that I now have to put up with another four years of anti-Bush sentiment. I can't stand that. Don't get me wrong. I oppose George Bush's polices but I also oppose this notion that he is some kind of demonic, immoral, heartless human being. There have been other politicians and world leaders who have been much worse than George W. Bush. Hitler comes to mind. So does Moussoni and Saddam. To disagree with Bush's stances on the issues is one thing. That's cool. But to make him out to be murderous insensible Texan is going to far. Of course that's just my opinion.

The Hek

Tomorrow on the Wednesday Morning Special Blend, it will be our last funding drive show. Last week we made $45 and this week we hope to make a little more. You can help us out by dialing and donating from 7-8am EST. The phone number is 613-520-2528. You can donate as much as you want. $5, $20, $40, it doesn't matter at all. You can also donate online at CKCU's website.

Noel and I will also be talking about the US election and having some insane fun. Tune in, 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM.

The Hek

The CKCU Funding Drive: Now at $60,000.

We're well into our first week of the funding drive now. CKCU calls on you to help support community radio in Ottawa. Real radio that supports independent music - local, Canadian and worldwide!. A voice for the community - and an outlet and training facility for anyone interested in radio. Run mainly by 200+ volunteers, CKCU has been part of Ottawa's airwaves 29 years-as well as being available online worldwide. This is your chance to help keep this community service available and show your support for your favorite CKCU programs.Some facts about CKCU:

• CKCU relies on donations from listeners for nearly one third of its annual budget.
• CKCU is a Registered Charity funded by donors like you, the students of Carleton University and by Program Sponsorships.Tax receipts are issued.
• CKCU runs on a bare-bones budget. With a devoted, overworked and underpaid staff of only four people - along with two hundred volunteers - we are able to produce first-class radio at a cost of approximately $40 per hour.

The drive ends this Sunday. Help us raise $93,100!

There are many ways you can donate. You can check them out at CKCU's website. Every year, the hosts and DJ's compete to see which show can get the most donations. If there's a particular show you would like to help out, say The Wednesday Morning Special Blend, all you have to do is donate while that show is on the air (in this case, Wednesday 7-8am EST). The phone number to dial and donate is 613-520-2528. You can also donate on behalf on the show over the web.

Thanks you for your support.

The Hek

Well that was an interesting weekend.

The Hek

"The Situation has changed and we've got to change with it, adapt to our new environment, Darwinism, Improvise. Whatever, man, we have to roll with it."

I might be paraphrasing but I just don't give a shit. When you are a Legend Killer, you don't have to.

Meanwhile, CKCU still needs your help. See the website for more details.

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The Hek

CKCU Funding Drive Update: $30,000

Wednesday Blend Total so far: $45

Do the math, it equals to 0.15%. But there is 10 days left to go.

Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox. They ended that 86-year-old drought and finally brought a World Championship to their fair city. Not only that, but they silenced the best offense in baseball, the St. Louis Cardinals.

The Hek

It's the first of two Funding drive shows on the Wednesday Blend. Noel and I are going to pull out all the stops. Help us out: Dial and Donate, 613-520-2528. See Monday's blog for more info.
7-8AM EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

CKCU News

Annual Funding Drive from Friday, October 22nd to Sunday, November 7th:

The Drive Has Arrived! CKCU calls on you to help support community radio in Ottawa. Real radio that supports independent music - local, Canadian and worldwide!. A voice for the community - and an outlet and training facility for anyone interested in radio. Run mainly by 200+ volunteers, CKCU has been part of Ottawa's airwaves 29 years-as well as being available online worldwide. This is your chance to help keep this community service available. Some facts about CKCU:

• CKCU relies on donations from listeners for nearly one third of its annual budget.
• CKCU is a Registered Charity funded by donors like you, the students of Carleton University and by Program Sponsorships.Tax receipts are issued.
• CKCU runs on a bare-bones budget. With a devoted, overworked and underpaid staff of only four people - along with two hundred volunteers - we are able to produce first-class radio at a cost of approximately $40 per hour.

There are many ways you can donate. You can check them out at CKCU's website. Every year, the hosts and DJ's compete to see which show can get the most donations. If there's a particular show you would like to help out, say The Wednesday Morning Special Blend, all you have to do is donate while that show is on the air (in this case, Wednesday 7-8am EST). The phone number to dial and donate is 613-520-2528.

Thanks for your support

The Hek

Last night I went on a haunted walk in downtown Ottawa. The stories were cool and creative but it did not scare me......until I went to bed, and lay on my bed in my dark room. Suddenly, things that shouldn't make noise, made noise. I was a little boy again; head under the covers, drenched in sweat. To be honest, the stories have made me a bit on the edge.

Okay, time to get down to business: World Series. Now Game one was a slugfest. But despite that, it's going to be a closely contended match up. So The Hek is predicting that the Red Sox will beat the Cardinals in seven games.

The Hek

It's starting to get down to the nitty gritty here at Carleton. The Hek has got 3 midterms and one paper in the next four weeks. My first midterm will be just multiple choice, fill in the blanks, short answer and matching columns. Thank God.

I also saw Team America last night with my friend, Owen. Basically, if you like South Park, you will enjoy this movie. It makes a political statement in a vulgar way. "America: Fuck Yeah!"

Here is my recent article from the Charlatan.

The Hek

Boston is awesome!

The Boston Red Sox: American League Champions.

Maybe the biggest sports story of the decade.

And best of all, they beat the Yankees.

The Hek

Tomorrow on the WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND, Noel and I will talking about all the crazy things this world has to offer. We will also be joined (if we can get it) by a very cool and special guest. Who is it you ask? Well, you are just going have to tune in to find out.

Wednesday 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

Ah, the brilliance of the University Residence Cafeteria.

So, the caf at school decided they wanted to fix their dishwasher. When do they decide to fix it? This weekend which means that everybody has to use paper plates, cups and untencils. They decide it would be better to fix the dishwasher this weekend instead of last weekend when most the residence students were at home for Thanksgiving. Now everybody has to use the paper cuttlery. Bet you anything they run out by Saturday evening.

The Hek

So I have been watching the ALCS and NLCS and I cannot believe how many former Blue Jays are playing and have a chance to win a World Series title.

Roger Clemens (Astros)
Pete Munro (Astros)
Woody Williams (Cardinals)
Jeff Kent (Astros)
John Olerud (Yankees)
Mike Mattheny (Cardinals)
Miguel Cairo (Yankees)
Tanyon Sturtz (Yankees)
Chris Carpenter (Cardinals)
Paul Quantrill (Yankees)
Mike Timlin (Red Sox)

That's as much as I can think of, I might be missing a couple of other players. But still, that is just a pure case of irony.

The Hek

Once again The Hek would like to restate that he despises the New York Yankees with a passion.

Here is The Hek's latest Charlatan article.

The Hek

Well, it was a great Thanksgiving long weekend! The Hek has returned safe and sound and is ready to tackle the daily grind of school once more.

This week on the WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND, Noel and I will discuss all the wackiness that is human life. For example, Detroit Red Wings Defensemen Chris Chelious' quest to be the next member of the United States Bobsled Team.

Tune in, Wednesday 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM.

The Hek

Oh god! I hate the New York Yankees!

The Hek is heading home for the holiday. First time I have done that in two years. I am so looking forward to it. I shall return on Tuesday. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving everybody!

The Hek

Boy, I would like to forget about the misfortune I suffered today. Stupid computer.

Don't you forget to tune into the WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND. Once again, Noel and I will be talking about the hottest topics in the world today.

Tune in: Wednesday, 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM.

The Hek

It is amazing how the weather can control how I feel.

Today in Ottawa it rained and poured in the afternoon and was completely dark and dreary. It made me quite miserable. And then, the rain clears and its sunny by 6:00pm and my mood changes to a more upbeat content feeling. The weather is one crazy kid.

The Hek

So yesterday the first debate of the presidential election was held.

The Hek did not watch it, nor do I care too. The way I see it, it's the lesser of two evils. Bush sucks and Kerry is a dull, boring, uninspiring man.

In any case, here is some presidential humor: This Land

The Hek

BIG NEWS

The Hek will be filling in on the Friday Morning Special Blend. I'll be interviewing two poets competing in the Canadian Spoken Wordlympics. In the spirit of competition, the two poets will recite a poem each and then the listeners will decide which one is better. This is going to be FUN!

Tune in Friday, 7-8AM est. on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

In a span of 15 minutes The Hek woke up, got dressed, grabbed his stuff, ran to CKCU and made it to his show on time. That is a world record. I just hope I remembered to wear pants.

Merçi Expos. Bonne chance en Washington.

The Hek

Don't forget to listen to the WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND. On this week's show Noel and I will talk about all sorts of things, including the Montreal Expos moving to a new city for next year. It's a full hour of fun.

Tune in, Wednesday 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM.

The Hek

Today is my father's birthday. So The Hek would like to wish his Dad a happy and healthy birthday!

The Hek

Today is the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. On this day, Jews all over the world fast for 25 hours in order to atone for all of their sins from the past year.

May we all be stamped in the book of life.

The Hek

Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Grandmaster Flash? Where have all gone too? Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

The Hek

I feel so tired. I am starting to feel run down. I feel like the world is crashing on me. And everybody is laughing at me.

Then, confidence consumes me and I feel one million times better.

The Hek

SEX IS OVERRATED!!!!!


Hehe, now that I have your attention, be sure to tune into the critically acclaimed WEDNESDAY MORNING SPECIAL BLEND. This week, we'll talk music news, sports, the Emmys and John Tory. All good fun.

Wednesday 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

First off, yesterday I went to see Vision Theatre's production of Noises Off at the University of Ottawa and it was fantastic. Very enjoyable and funny.

Here is The Hek's most recent article from One-80.

The Hek

Oh my, another day, another box of stolen pens.

Yesterday, I had the chance to check out my buddy Simon's Stand up comedy act at Yuk Yuk's. He did an okay job. There were some comedians that were better and worse then Simon. The MC who I believe is named Chuck Milne was outstanding. And, I did enjoy Don Perrier as well. But Dirty Old Gord should be shot. He is a dirty, dirty man.

Click here to read The Hek's latest article.

The Hek

Don't forget to tune into the Wednesday Morning Special Blend. We'll be talking about a lot of things including the World Cup of Hockey and the NHL labor dispute.

7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

Wow, I cannot believe it!

Strong Bad did an e-mail segment that pays homage to Piper's Pit. Now there are two characters that should run some sort of rouge nation, Roddy Piper and Strong Bad.

I really hate the month of September. I always have. I don't like it because its the start of an unknown trail. Apologies to anyone who like this month.

The Hek

4 hours of Carleton Ravens Baseball + 3 hours of World Cup Hockey = one tired Hek

The Hek

Yesterday, it rained like never before. It seemed that Ottawa got the tail end of the hurricane that hit Florida earlier in the week. Literally, there was a three foot lake outside my window. The building I live in could not handle the rain. The first floor got completely flooded and all the residents who live there, had to be shipped off to a hotel. My room had two puddles appear near my computer. So, there's a garbage bag over my computer. It's like a condom. Fortunately, it is drying nicely. Stupid Smarch weather.

The Hek

Here is another great e-mail sent to me:

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's 2003 winners.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops brioght ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit }
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly 15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

The Hek

Now that I am back in Ottawa, it is time to head back to the Blend.

Tomorrow on the Wednesday Morning Special Blend, Noel, James and I will catch up on lost time and discuss all the crazy happenings in the world. Plus we'll have music news, sports recaps and my favorite, Bytowne Movie Listings.

Tune in: Wednesday, 7-8am EST on CKCU 93.1 FM

The Hek

Today I learnt the true meaning of Labour day.

It all started after lunch. I needed some dairy products as well as some wall tacs. The best place to get these things would be the Billings Bridge Shopping mall. As someone who needs some exercise, I chose to walk to the mall. The walk was a good 25 minutes and I was exhausted. However, when I came to the front entrance, I discovered that the entire mall was closed for Labour day. It was then that I said something along the lines of "Mother F**ker." So, I turned around and walked all the way back to my home. I did happen to stop along the way at a 7-11 and was able to pick up some of my groceries. Nevertheless, I intend to go back to the mall and pick up the remainder of my shopping list. And, I do intend to take the bus which leads me to my next point.

I went to go by a sheet of ten bus tickets and discovered that the good people at Ottawa-Carleton transportation (OC Transpo) had raised the price for a sheet of tickets from $8.50 to $9.00. That is an OUTRAGE!

There were some bright spots to this day. I got to see Tim before he goes to England and I had lunch with my friend, Jen.

The Hek

The Hek has arrived safe and sound in Ottawa. It was a quick trip and the moving in went perfectly well. More to come later.

The Hek

Time to head back to Ottawa. Thanks for a great summer!

The Hek

NO TIM NO!!!!

I got my G license on July 22, 2004. I was just making a comment about how life flies by sometimes. But as Vincent says in the movie Collateral, "You have to improvise." Now I'm not sure if that made any sense but I put the quote in because I saw the movie and thought it was really cool.

The Hek

When I got my G1 license in September, 1999, the expiry date read August 26, 2004. I never thought that day would actually come. And now, it has come and gone.

The Hek

Ingrown Toe: check
Two cavities: check

Now, I saw that this website provides a comment board. I have added it so, if you see two "comments" links up, go to the new one. The Hek is confident that it will work.

The Hek

And now, two fortunes from two fortune cookies devoured by The Hek and Emily.

The Hek's fortune: Your musical talents will soon be noted.

The Hek's other fortune: Success depends upon hard work.

Discuss...

The Hek

Camp Capers 2004: Done and Done!!

The Hek

MOTHER F**KER!!!!

So yesterday I went to the doctor to have my ingrown toenail taken care of. I sat in the office and time went by like the time it takes a turtle to walk from Toronto to Ottawa. Finally, the doctor comes in with a sheepish look on his face:

"Hi The Hek, I'm really sorry but it looks like I have run out of the freezing that I need for your toe. We will have to rebook the appointment."

To be fair, The Hek's doctor did look around for the freezing medication. He went to other doctor's offices and even ran to the pharmacy downstairs.

What a lousy time to run out of freezing. To make things worse, one of my campers stepped on the bad toe and it hurt like hell.

Well, the way I should see it is that it is a blessing in disguise.

The Hek

This is another e-mail that was sent to me:

Owed Two a Spell Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer, it came with my pea sea; It plainly marques four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong or write, it shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is made it nose bee fore two long. And eye can put the error rite, it's rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it and I'm shore your pleased two no It's letter perfect awl the weigh, My chequer tolled me sew.

The Hek

Check it out, folks. The Hek has got only one more week of camp.

In other news, the doctor is going to cut my nail on both sides of the toe. FUN!

The Hek

I am going to be completely honest with you people. Ingrown toe-nails are very,very painful. I have a bad feeling that I am going to be operated on. This adds to the two cavities that need to be taken care of. FUUUUUN!

To all my readers in North Carolina:

If any of you come across a pretty Canadian girl named Emily. Please tell her that The Hek misses her very much and can't wait to see her again.

The Hek

This was sent to me through e-mail:

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!


Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

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Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.

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Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

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The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

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Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

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In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.

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Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

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Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.

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Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.

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It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

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Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

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Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.

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The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.

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Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

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Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

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Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

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On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

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Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

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Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Bethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

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The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

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Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.

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Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.

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Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.

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Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to have a job, I guess.

The Hek

****THE HEK****

Dancing with the devil in the pale blue light since 1983.

Happy Simcoe Day

The Hek

Mr. Wood,

I read your comment.

About time you got rid of that spyware.

You were missing all the good stuff.

Benoit vs. HHH Iron man match was off the charts. Go Eugene!

The Hek

I have to work on that comments board.

The Hek

G license? Got it. The Hek is now a fully licensed driver. So watch out!
 
The Hek

Well camp continues to go well. Things have gotten a lot better since the problem child left. I feel more relaxed and less stressed out. Today is my buddy Mike's birthday. The Hek and friends got a Mike a gift. Wait a minute, Mike if you are reading this, STOP. Go to another site or something. The last thing I want is to spoil THE SURPRISE OF A LIFETIME!!!!
 
The Hek

Ha-Ha!
 
Good-bye problem child!
 
The Hek

Camp is going "well." Yeah that's it, "well."

The Hek

So here is what happened at the camp The Hek runs:

3 campers craped/peed in their pants. That's a new record.

1 Camper had a huge brawl with The Hek's boss and flipped everybody the bird. Yesterday the camper stuffed his mouth with grass and cut The Hek on the right hand. A little blood.

Tomorrow at The Hek's camp: Peter Peter Puppet Theatre!

The Hek

MOTHER F**KER!

Wait till you all hear what happened to The Hek today.

So there I was at the Drive Test Centre getting ready for my G2 Exit Road Test. After this test, I will be qualified to have a full license. I was all ready to go. I paid the fee, I parked my car in the testing centre and I filled out all the proper paper work. My examiner comes up to me and asks me to start the car so he can check to see if all the lights work. So I put the key in the ingnition and get NOTHING! Right then and there the car's battery DIES! It was gone, finished, kaput. Talk about horrible talking. Well, to make a long story short, a toe-truck driver gave it a boost so we could get it to a mechanic and now The Hek's car has a new alternater. As for the test, I now have to wait till October 14 to take it. That's going to be very hard because my current license expires August 26.

You know, sometimes I feel that a black cloud follows me wherever I go.

The Hek

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYBODY!

Ferris Wheels with cars? Brilliant!

The Hek

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYBODY!

Ferris Wheels with cars? Brilliant!

The Hek

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYBODY!

Ferris Wheels with cars? Brilliant!

The Hek

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYBODY!!!!

Ferris Wheels with cars.....Brilliant!

The Hek

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Hek's reaction when he discovered that CTV moved The Ultimate Love Test to an earlier time and missed the episode.

Does Tim know about this?

The Hek

"Your vacuum cleaner ate my pants. There was nothing I could do."

The Hek

It's amazing how time just flies by. I just don't understand it. Before I know it, I'll be old and wrinkly.

Another thing I have to put out of my mind.

The Hek

Ah, Canada.

If you don't like how things are going, you can always rely on people's sense of humor: Whack The Prime Minister.

The Hek

If anybody knows a trampoline centre that gives lessons to children for free, please let The Hek know.

In the coming weeks: The Hek's thoughts on the Canadian election.

The Hek

Well The Hek is back from Montreal. I had a fantastic time, the wedding was wonderful and the band was awesome. The band members were all Cubans, none of them were Jewish but, they knew all the Jewish songs and pronounced the words perfectly.

Back to the real world. Don't forget to watch The Ultimate Love Test tonight.

The Hek

Ever wondered what The Hek looked like?

Now you can thanks to Tim. Look at the entry for June 3, 2004.

I am back in Ottawa, heading for a wedding in Montreal.

The Hek

So television has taken all morals and values and thrown it out the window. It's a brand new show called The Ultimate Love Test. Couples are split up, one goes to a travel resort, the other stays home. The producers purposely give the people that are at the resort new possible, tempting love interests. They then tape all the escapades and send to the significant others who are at home. Emotions ensue, and in the end, nobody is happy. Whatever happened to trust and love? Why is it being toyed with? It's so bad, but it is so compelling, I can't stop watching it.

The Hek

I think Pierre Trudeau said it best: Despite all its shams and corruption it is still a beautiful world. Strive to be happy.

The Hek

Hitler on Ice? Mel Brooks is a genius.

The Hek

Emily......Baseball.......Wrestling........Canadian Elections.......Simon please keep off the puns.........Greg Zaun for Kevin Cash.........Must film a movie tomorrow....The Cheat.



Thoughts on The Hek's mind.

The Hek

The new American Idol was crowned last night. Her name is Fantasia and she's got a dance called the bobo. The Hek thinks she has some talent but I am not too crazy about her voice. Kinda sounds like a cartoon character. But she will go far.

Okay, its time for The Hek's sophisticated survey of the month: is it better to be a pacifist or a non-pacifist?

The Hek

Have a happy and healthy Victoria/Memorial Day long Weekend.

Owen Hart, it has been 5 years since you left us. But we have not forgotten about you. RIP.

The Hek

Has this world gone completely insane? Innocent people being murdered in Iraq because they're American? Prisoners in Iraq, being tortured by American soldiers (so much for life, liberty and pursuit of happiness)? Police officers being stabbed to death by fucked up teenagers? The stuff in Israel? You know sometimes The Hek wonders if this world needs a good cleansing.

The Hek

Ah,the wonderful world of Canadian politics: Stephen Harper Said

The Hek

The Hek works with little children. Town of Markham Summer Camps. Yee-Haw!

The Hek

What? Blogger has a new setup? Great, just when I finally figured out how to use the last one. Well, at least the spell check is still up. BTW, I'm starting to hate my job. The Hek blames Boston Rob for this.

The Hek

So here I am once more in the library, trying to get my marks for two remaining courses. Still nothing and that has got The Hek worried.

Anyway, I was watching American Idol last night and it occurs me, Ryan Seacrest has to be one of the most polished personalities ever. Every time he moves, he sparkles. Ben Mulroney has not hit that level yet. I wonder if that's a good thing.

The Hek